look at these new studios we bought and are preparing to murder

EA's best press conference in recent memory

EA accidentally does something good (bonus if it seems like it might be on purpose)

Old murdered EA franchise gets a new real game

goes live to a country... even though it's all virtual anyway. (bonus if they then show off a game associated with a different country)

We wonder why we put ourselves through it

A new Star Wars game that looks fantastic and will probably be half-decent

The yearly hockey game actually gets acknowleged

bonus

New Mirrors Edge, their only original IP (bonus if its third person now)

"Look at how not evil we are"

Significant amount of time spent on an already released game

They forget to acknowledge the James Pond series of games as a clear inspiration
(free)

Why is that man throwing an egg? (bonus if Albert Wesker is involved)

Origin console announcement (bonus if it's orange)

"EA own that too? Urgg"

Brad tries to talk about how he should be watching Euro 2020 while FIFA is playing in the background

"We appriciate our fans" *proceeds to act in the opposite way*

A game turns into Frostbite Engine test on Next Gen

SPORTS! SPORTS! SPORTS!

Command & Conquer Mobile Game equivalent

When it's not a sports game, it's Battlefield

A new Star Wars game that looks fantastic and will probably be a godawful mess of microtransactions and dispair

E-Sports sports sports sports sports (bonus if not sports)

A remake of Theme Park World